Be my Valentine!

Valentine's Day is upon us and I've been meaning to share my Valentine's philosophy, because it's a good one. We are stuck with this Hallmark Holiday that makes half of us really happy and makes the rest feel left out in the cold. I say, take Valentine's day back! Make it a family and friend day as well as a day for "luvvers. Or better yet, be your own best Valentine. Get yourself a little something. And don't wait for the half-price candy available on February 15! You are worth full price!

Not counting the past ten years of my total of 44, I never had a romantic Valentine (well one, and no, it wasn't Peter Frampton). I grew up in the days when teachers didn't make you bring in a little folded Fat Albert Valentine for EVERYONE in the class ("Hey! Hey! Hey! You're the Greatest!"). You were at the mercy of the mothers of your classmates. Some, like my own who insisted that I give a Valentine to everyone (which led to merciless teasing about me and a kid named Dewey "sittin' in a tree"). Then there were the other moms who threw a pack of valentines at their kid and went back to watching Merv Griffin or sloppin' the hogs or whatever they happened to be into. These days, teachers insist on Valentines for all--yay, teachers! Nipping the early feelings of Valentine's Day inadequacy in the bud and having an easier day with happier children to teach.

If school was a disappointment in the Valentine department, I must say that in an unusual display of consideration for the feeling of it's members, my family turned Valentine's Day into a family holiday. I grew up in a household where I was the only person who wasn't a widow. If we had been waiting for cupid, we would never have known the sweet taste of Russell Stover's Nuts and Chews. My Mom and Grandmother always bought me a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a card and I gave them little gifts, too. My Aunt even got into the act, and we exchanged candy Valentines with my cousins. So, aside from the slings and lack of cupid's arrows coming at me in grade school, I learned early that I didn't have to sit around "with my hand on my ass" (expression ala my Mama) waiting for a guy to luuuurrrrve me on February 14.

In college, when Valentine's Day and having a boyfriend became more important, my cousin Fancy and I became each others Valentines. Neither of us had a love interest, so we would send one another candy and cards from our respective colleges. Once we even went out to dinner on Valentine's day and you should have seen us at our table for two right next to the kitchen and witnessed the lousy service extended to the one non-hetero couple in the place. But we had a great time and laughed ourselves silly. And we didn't have to deal with any sexual pressure, either! Thanks, Fancy!

After college, even though, through either death or estrangement, my family Valentine connection had dried up, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I became my own best Valentine. I made sure that bought myself something smashing for valentines day, usually earrings or a book I wanted. I made Valentines for my girlfriends in the spirit of Valentine inclusiveness. I remember some guy kind of giving me a pitying line because I wouldn't be getting any Valentine attention. I pointed to my sensational new earrings and said, "I get my own Valentines." He thought this was crazy and not a little pathetic. I think what was really crazy and really pathetic was that he was married and didn't bother to wear his ring or mention his wife or numerous children the whole time I knew him. I bet he was a great Valentine.

Okay, then there was the one time that I did have a boyfriend (pre-Gameguy) on Valentine's day, but by Valentine's day the relationship was unraveling and no amount of gifts, roses, and candlelit dinners could make it better. So, while it was a minor romantic victory to have an actual boyfriend on Valentine's Day, it more disappointing than romantic. Blerg. Thus proving that having a love interest on Valentine's Day does not insure happiness and can even be a little sad.

So, skip ahead two years and I meet my Gameguy and now I get a great, usually weird Valentine gift book that's about death or parasites and a Cadbury fruit and nut candy bar and it's fab! He gets a gift chocolate and we order Chinese and watch a dvd and it is all I want in a Valentine's day. With Comet added to the mix, and I get a terrific handmade surprise and another person to induct in the family Valentine tradition. We make Valentines for grandma and Fancy, and add his favorite General Tsao's Tofu to our Chinese order.

And I haven't given up on being my own Valentine, either. Yesterday, cruising the aisles of Whole Foods, I spied a pair of freshwater pearl and crystal earrings that called out to me, "Happy Valentine's Day, you groovy gal, you," and I bought them on the spot. "The greatest love of all..." and all that.

So, along with being my Valentine (no gifts or cards required), I challenge everyone to put a broader spin on this little thing called Valentine's Day. It's here and it's everywhere. Instead of hanging your head or beating yourself up for lack of a love interest, make it your own! Get yourself a little something, get together with your friends! Delight a child with some candy. This is your Valentine's Day party, and you can invite everyone, if you want to!