Down in Mary's Land

I don't want to brag, but my town has its share of famous people. Over the many years I've lived here I've seen Jessica Lange, Sam Shepherd, Wallace Shawn, Dave Matthews (before he was famous) and Boyd Tinsley (after). I've seen Sissy Spacek numerous times. Once I was standing behind her in line in the restroom at a movie theater (yes, apparently movie stars do, too). The Virginia Film Festival also brings many celebrities to town. I've seen Gregory Peck, Jimmy Stewart, Ann Margaret, Robert Duval and the girl with the gorgeous, long red hair from "Head of the Class." To name just a few. What I'm trying so hard to say is that I can handle seeing a celebrity. I have never asked for an autograph or said one word to any famous person I've seen in the flesh (except one). If we made eye contact I would smile and nod politely. If I was in the audience while they were introducing a film, I clapped politely at the appropriate times.

That's all in the past because today at Whole Foods I saw the BEST celebrity! I heard she had moved here but I forgot. I was practicing my weird, circuitous shopping style, having to backtrack to get a product I forgot (again), and I looked up and saw a woman who looked very familiar to me. It took me a few minutes to realize that a.) I had never worked with her and b.) she was not the mother of some Comet-aged kid that I'd seen in a million places over the last five years. No. It was Mary Chapin Carpenter! The idol of my late twenties/early thirties. Many of her songs were my personal theme songs. Oh, how I loved her!

So here's where I diverged from my usual Cool Hand Lucy approach to the famous. I think I was actually wringing my hands while I was trying to get up the nerve to approach her and say something like "I love your music" or "you are so great!" I even had an insane moment when I thought, "I know, I can catch her eye and just mouth 'I love you!' It was an internal tug-of-war between the oh-my-god-it's-M-C-C me who wanted to touch her and the be-cool me thinking, "Let the woman buy her chicken....is she buying the free range?" and "She deserves to buy her layered Mexican dip in peace just like those of us who don't have gold records." I was a mess. The whole time I was in the store, I was aware of her presence. I even watched her check out, which isn't as creepy as it sounds because I was checking out at another register at the time.

But I really am cool about celebrities! Remember I said that I talked to one celebrity? Once, about fifteen years ago, I met Peter Frampton. He was performing in town and a friend of mine was writing an article on him for the local paper. She invited me to come along and when we went to interview him on his tour bus, he held out his hand and said, "Hello,(my name here), I'm Peetahh Frahhhhmpton." I shook his hand and was totally cool about it. So cool. (In the interest of full disclosure, however, I must say that it had been nearly twenty years since he made my heart throb and also, I was starving and there was this amazing platter of sandwiches right behind him. Also, he was much tinier than I ever imagined. But I was cool.)

P.S. An hour or so after my celebrity sighting, it occurred to me that maybe I had just seen someone who *looked* like Mary Chapin Carpenter. I haven't seen a picture of her in years. I laughed out loud in the super store aisle I was prowling. Can you imagine if she was just a person who resembled MCC and she noticed this crazy lady, frozen in her tracks by the frozen food, staring at her expectantly? Then to look up from signing her receipt at the checkout and notice that the SAME nut was standing on tiptoes trying to get a look at her? What if I had mouthed, "I love you" to some regular person? Oh, how I amuse myself. But I swear to God, it really was her!